I gave away my freedom for financial security
“The three most harmful addictions are heroin, carbohydrates, and a monthly salary.” – Nassim Nicholas Taleb
Money was always scarce while I grew up.
Living in Germany, my family never had to endure hunger, homelessness, cold, lack of health care, lack of education, or anything like that. But there were lots of things we couldn’t afford or had to laboriously save for (e.g. nice clothes, toys, hobbies, restaurants, travel, etc.). Also, our lack of money certainly caused plenty of fights and tears. And even though I didn’t know it at the time, consumer debt was a constant companion.
Don’t get me wrong though, I still had an amazing childhood! That’s because I never lacked the thing most important to me: the unconditional love of my mother.
However, our constant lack of money caused me to develop a scarcity mindset. I began to believe that money was difficult to get, hard to hold on to, and easy to lose. Consequently, I spent as little as possible and saved as much as was feasible. I shied away from too much comfort, acquiring material possessions, and taking on debt.
And because I never knew any other lifestyle and didn’t think it was possible for me to get a high-paying job, I was contented and happy.
Beyond keeping my expenses low and making sure I always had a modest income enough to meet them, I didn’t often think about money. In fact, I never again felt as free as in these days.
I went on various adventures and made major life decisions without considering the financial aspects at all (e.g. moving to Berlin with nothing but my bicycle and a bag of clothes). Without thinking about it consciously, I took on risk after risk, always focusing on the potential upside.
Eventually, all that paid off though. By sheer luck, I got an offer to join an internationally recognized company as a senior software developer. And when I first read what my compensation would be, my eyes almost popped out of their sockets! Somehow I had lucked into one of these high-paying jobs, which I thought would stay out of my reach forever.
My days of earning barely any money ended then, but I still stuck to my previous lifestyle: living with roommates, staying car-free, and purchasing only what I actually needed.
As a result, I was left with plenty of spare cash at the end of each month. At first, that money went into a savings account. Later, I began investing in low-cost, broadly diversified index funds. And over the years, I saw my net worth grow into a decent nest egg.
But along the way, I noticed something strange: the more money I accumulated, the less free I began to feel!
I became aware of this when the job I used to love turned into something I loathed. At work, I no longer felt like I was growing, disagreed with most decisions, and lacked a sense of purpose and of belonging. As a result, I knew it was time to leave.
And yet, I stayed. I kept telling myself that there was one more financial goal to reach before I could quit. But the moment I hit that goal, I came up with the next one to pursue. As a result, the few extra months I meant to stay turned into a couple of additional years.
I might have continued to fool myself for decades, but luckily I realized what was going on: my scarcity mindset made it impossible to step away from that job and its high salary.
Growing up, I had internalized a couple of highly problematic beliefs about money:
- My time is worth very little because I have a lot of it.
- Money is worth a lot because it’s very scarce.
- Having more money is always better than not having it.
- Thus, I should never miss an opportunity to earn more money.
On top of that came my fears and insecurities, which made me believe things like “I got lucky here”, “I don’t deserve a high salary”, and “I won’t find another job like this”.
With beliefs like that, no amount of money would ever have felt sufficient to me! Thus, to feel free once again and to be able to step away from that high-paying job, I needed to overcome these limiting beliefs.
I knew this wasn’t an easy task, but I had navigated through similar changes before, so I knew how to start. Using various techniques for personal reflection and introspection (reading, journaling, conversations), I slowly came around to view the problem from a new perspective.
I began to see what staying in that job had cost me: becoming cynical, loss of passion, symptoms of burnout, and career stagnation.
More importantly though, I finally internalized that my own time is limited, but money is not (with time, you can make more money - but not the other way around).
And for the first time in over a decade, I feel free again – or at least free enough to confidently step away from the big paychecks, to venture out into the unknown, and to begin the next chapter in my life.