Something ended, something began – reflections on my last day at work
My last day at work was surprisingly undramatic.
The day began like any other: the entire family got up, we had breakfast together, and got our kids ready for the day. Our son was fairly cooperative that morning, so I managed to drop him off at daycare a little earlier than usual. I made my way back home and began working around 9am.
Having opened the lid of my work computer, I went through my emails and chat messages, checked my calendar for the day, and reviewed my plans for the day.
Shortly thereafter, I had the last one-on-one conversation with my manager, followed by my last standup meeting. Everyone was very nice, we reviewed our time together, and then we said our goodbyes.
The rest of the day went by quietly. I wrapped up my last assignment, sent a couple of messages and then set my status to “Away from work”.
That was it! I turned off the computer, closed its lid, and then put it somewhere it wouldn’t bother me for the next couple of years.
I found a nice, quiet place in our apartment, sat down, and waited for a wave of emotions to wash over me.
To my surprise, nothing much happened. I waited a little longer, and then some more – just to be sure. But again: nothing!
When it was time to pick up our son, I got up and moved on. The rest of the day was filled with family activities, so there wasn’t much time for reflection and introspection.
In the evening, when I went to bed, I began wondering about the curious absence of feelings. Where was all the joy, relief, excitement, sadness, or even anxiety that I had expected?
Was I, perhaps, just too occupied with other problems? Had I already gone through the entire emotional roller coaster in the months before? Or did I still doubt whether I had made the right choice?
When it became evident that I wouldn’t get to the bottom of it (at least not on that first night), I resolved to put the matter aside for a few days. Soon after, I fell asleep.
The next morning began like any other: get up, have breakfast, get ready, drop son off, get home.
But since I no longer had any plans for my mornings, I decided to take our daughter for a walk in the park. Soon after we had left the building, she fell asleep in her stroller.
I kept on walking and soon we entered the nearby park. As I took a look around me, I began to notice the particular beauty of that moment: it was cold and the sun had just climbed above the horizon. A few rays shone through the snow-lined branches of the otherwise barren trees, giving everything a weak, but golden glow.
Caught in that special moment, I noticed a change in my mental state. For the first time in quite a while, I felt excited about the future: excited about what lay ahead, about the paths I might take, and about which one I would choose next.
That feeling was only faint, but I resolved to help it grow.